My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
