you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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