Michael Bay diarrhea
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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