I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So vagazzling was a success
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
