her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How's work?
Spinning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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