i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
