why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
