Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize