I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
