Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
