the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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