you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
