After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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