hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
