Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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