We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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