He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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