so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
