I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
