Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
