You can't motorboat a personality
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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