Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
