Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
