She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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