she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
