got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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