Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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