True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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