I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
