i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
