do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
