I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
