I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can't talk, ducks in the car
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
