PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
