3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
