GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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