I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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