capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
