a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
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Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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