i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
