My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
