I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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