five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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