you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
