Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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