She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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