i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
