I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
