remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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