She is in my trunk
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i came on her dog
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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