Got a toothbrush?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
