She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
