Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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