great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
