I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
