I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
