Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
