I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
