i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
