Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
