just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize