And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
