i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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