Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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