Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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