She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
