I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Randomize
