I hope mine doesn't look like that
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
