sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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