my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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