she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
