Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
smell my finger.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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