omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
