He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
