Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
