U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
