is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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