One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize