YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
