He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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