If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
