Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and she was petting her beer can
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
