She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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