it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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