he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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