Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
