Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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