haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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