conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
