Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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