i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
