You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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