you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
