i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My hand turned me down
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
