The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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