i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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