im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Best friends brother. Beat that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
