Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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