sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
